Reading old poems and journal entries is a strange mix of cringe and joy. Always room for improvement

11/23/2023 A girl and her plant 🌿 she wakes up late with a questionable plan, talks to her plant like it’s her man. “don’t die on me,” she says with stress, as if it’s also struggling with life’s mess. it leans a bit—she panics hard, “bro are you okay??” like it’s on guard. she googles “yellow leaf meaning” at 2 a.m. declares it’s “emotional damage” again. she waters it like she’s making amends, then forgets for a week… but they’re still best friends. #weed #plants #flower #gardening #comedy #funny #funnypost

11/26/2024 OLD WOUNDS I didn’t know how to love you in pieces, so I gave you everything at once. I was pure of heart with you I talked about you like you were something good happening to me. I said your name out loud to people like I had nothing to hide, like I was proud of what I had. And I was. They saw it how happy I looked when I believed in you. I remember going out and buying you a kitchen set because you didn’t have one, because I wanted to take care of you in small ways that felt natural to me. I never even got to give it to you. It just stayed with me instead like so many things I did for you. My birthday used to matter to me. I used to feel like it was my day. But I remember spending it thinking about you, making it about you anyway, like I didn’t know how to receive love without turning it outward first. I even booked a hotel once thinking maybe that would be a moment we actually shared, something real and ours for a night. But I woke up alone. You were gone in the morning like I had just been a stop in your night instead of the reason for it. And there were all those times you disappeared for weeks. I would sit there trying not to spiral, telling myself I was “special” to you even when your silence said otherwise. And when you came back, it was always just enough to pull me in again without ever giving me anything steady to hold onto. I didn’t know I was competing with someone I couldn’t even see at first. I didn’t know I was being talked about in rooms I wasn’t in — reduced, explained, rewritten so you could make yourself make sense. I remember hearing you say you dropped me off just so you could talk to her. Like I was something you could move around your day instead of someone who loved you fully. And I remember still trying to understand you after I found out still wanting comfort from you when you were the reason I was breaking. But you didn’t really hold me in that moment. You apologized… and left me alone with it. That changed something in me. Not all at once — but slowly, in the way trust stops coming back the same way. Because I didn’t love you casually. I loved you like I meant it. I built my life around small gestures that never came back to me. And somehow, I still stayed soft through all of it. And even now, there’s something strange about remembering it not just the pain, but how completely I gave myself to someone who didn’t know how to stay in one place with me. I smile knowing I was capable of such tenderness. It’s not just that I loved you. It’s that I meant it every single time. #poetry #writing #heartbreak #LOVE #love